Understanding the Fear of Rejection: The Buddhist View of Fear and How to Live with Courage

What if they don’t like me? 

What if they think I’m stupid? 

What if they judge me?

What if I get rejected? 

For many of us, “social death” is even more frightening than death itself.  Studies list public speaking as our number one fear, coming ahead of the fear of dying. This suggests that if given the choice, most of us would sooner walk off a cliff than walk out on a stage and face a gathering of fellow human beings. 

Interestingly, it’s not actually the prospect of messing up or failing in public that’s paralyzing, it’s the fear that we’ll be judged as unworthy and as a result, rejected. This is what rejection means, feeling judged, shamed, criticized or passed over. And all of these feelings are so terrifying because they profoundly threaten our fragile well-being. 

But is that actually the case? Are these fears justified? Conversely, does the approval of others automatically lead to happiness? Do criticism and judgment automatically lead to suffering? 

On September 11th, internationally renowned Kadampa Buddhist teacher Gen-La Dekyong will be coming to New York City to propose a radical possibility for us: a life free from the fear of rejection.

How is this possible? According to Buddha – who was born into riches as a prince in a palace – happiness is a state of mind, not a state of affairs. It’s an inner setting, not an outer setting. Many people enjoy a good reputation yet still feel miserable, while there are others who have a poor reputation but still enjoy a calm and happy mind. It’s not what others think that determines our happiness, it’s the quality of our own thinking – the quality of our own mind in this moment. This is radical. And it is liberating.

With over forty years experience in Buddhist view and meditation, Gen-la Dekyong will explain how meditation helps us to cultivate a profound experience of inner peace. This inner peace – entirely independent of any external factor – is the real source of happiness. If our mind is peaceful, we’re happy, regardless of what is happening outside  – regardless of where we are, who we’re with, or how other people are reacting.

That experience is a game changer that profoundly undermines our fear of rejection. We can’t control what others think about us, but we can control what we think about them. With peace and happiness in our hearts we’re naturally well disposed to everyone we meet and we become far less dependent on how others react for our well-being. In this way, meditation shifts our outlook completely replacing  – the fear of rejection with a peaceful heart of connection instead. 

On September 11th at The Town Hall, discover how Buddhist meditation offers an inner resource of positivity and resilience, and how a life beyond the fear of rejection lies just a mere mental shift away.